This is a paragraph from a student essay:

Definitions are often compromises between what the definer thinks and what they think they should think. They may often feel obliged to conform to a mythical community standard. They also reflect the times in which they are written. Many Victorian works of art, for example, were once considered pornographic.

How would you improve it?

Think about the labels below and then click each accordion toggle for more information:

Step 1: Structure

Make certain your paragraphs have clear topic and concluding sentences:

Definitions of pornography are subject to negotiation and change. Definitions are often compromises between what the definer thinks and what they think they should think. They may often feel obliged to conform to a mythical community standard. They also reflect the times in which they are written. Many Victorian works of art, for example, were once considered pornographic. Any discussion of pornography must account for such modifications.

Step 2: Academic style

Your paragraphs need to be written in acceptable academic English. This includes the correct tone, a degree of formality and appropriate vocabulary:

Definitions are often compromises between individual and social standards. Individuals may often feel obliged to conform to a mythical community standard. Definitions also reflect the historical and social context in which they are formulated. Many Victorian works of art, for example, were once considered pornographic. Any discussion of pornography must account for such modifications.

Step 3: Supporting evidence

When writing at university, you'll always be expected to support your claims with the research of other people:

Definitions of pornography are subject to negotiation and change. Definitions are often compromises between individual and social standards. Individuals may often feel obliged to conform to 'a mythical community standard'. Definitions also reflect the historical and social context in which they are formulated. Many Victorian works of art, as Thomas has argued, were once considered pornographic. Any discussion of pornography must account for such modifications.

Step 4: Evidence against

As well as calling on writers and researches who support your viewpoint, you'll also need to take account of those who disagree. This will make your argument stronger:

Definitions of pornography are subject to negotiation and change. Definitions are often compromises between individual and social standards. Individuals may often feel obliged to conform to 'a mythical community standard'. Some critics have argued that they are static and universal. In contrast, I would suggest that definitions also reflect the historical and social context in which they are formulated. Many Victorian works of art, as Thomas has argued, were once considered pornographic. Any discussion of pornography must account for such modifications.

Step 5: Referencing and citation

Having borrowed the information, you now need to acknowledge your debt:

Definitions of pornography are subject to negotiation and change. Definitions are often compromises between individual and social standards. Individuals may often feel obliged to conform to 'a mythical community standard' (Garcia, 1999 p.8). Some critics have argued that they are static and universal (Fitzsimmons 1999; Friedmann 2001). In contrast, I would suggest that definitions also reflect the historical and social context in which they are formulated. Many Victorian works of art, as Thomas has argued, were once considered pornographic (1979 p.376). Any discussion of pornography must account for such modifications.

Now compare the original to the rewritten version

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Original paragraph:

Definitions are often compromises between what the definer thinks and what they think they should think. They may often feel obliged to conform to a mythical community standard. They also reflect the times in which they are written. Many Victorian works of art, for example, were once considered pornographic.

Re-written version:

Definitions of pornography are subject to negotiation and change. Definitions are often compromises between individual and social standards. Individuals may often feel obliged to conform to 'a mythical community standard' (Garcia, 1999 p.8). Some critics have argued that they are static and universal (Fitzsimmons 1999; Friedmann 2001). In contrast, I would suggest that definitions also reflect the historical and social context in which they are formulated. Many Victorian works of art, as Thomas has argued, were once considered pornographic (1979 p.376). Any discussion of pornography must account for such modifications.

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